GASTRIC SHOCK: The team were utterly bewildered in their first post-India tournament by the idea of cricket being played without any gastric incidents or compromise of personal hygiene.
We had for the first time ever... an undefeated day of world cup cricket...shock, horror!!
Pakistan were on the rack at 30 -1 after 9 overs of torrid fast bowling and hopeless playing and missing ... their best batsman bamboozled by our demon red trousered scourge of Devon bowler, Deni Mathews - who had the player of 2007 tournament snaffled by Jay at cover.
We had for the first time ever... an undefeated day of world cup cricket...shock, horror!!
Pakistan were on the rack at 30 -1 after 9 overs of torrid fast bowling and hopeless playing and missing ... their best batsman bamboozled by our demon red trousered scourge of Devon bowler, Deni Mathews - who had the player of 2007 tournament snaffled by Jay at cover.
Regretfully the rain beat us and the match was finally abandoned at 4pm, but not before the boys got in some light reading, training and got up close and personal with Bewcc our parrot mascot...
Sadly a fine to Jay for failing to dive like a leaping salmon or at least roll like a wounded buffalo when catching the ball.
FINES:
- To Jamie "Sellafield" Williams [the only man to get sunburnt in a monsoon] for eating a goats cheese and caramelised red onion tartlet + minted new potatoes on the side in a pub before kick off. He also surprised us by perisitently wearing a pair of purple brothel creepers which so far have repelled the ladies
- To the Captain: Sadly Jamie and his 5 serious drinking colleagues were deliberately deceived by the captain into expecting a 3pm start only to be told at 2.28 that start time was in 2 minutes - this actually aided the teams perfomance who took to the field still drinking and belching - as their tarts settled into a comfortable position
Rumours are rife that this was a deliberate ploy by the skip to deflect attention from his own bohemian approach to pre match training - which has already featured a 5.30 am dawn call / return
- To all players save Superharmy and Jay - for bowling the ball in the intended net
EQUIPMENT ADDITIONS:
The new helmet: there is a new [phrase that dare not speak its name - "Calling for the beer helmet"] - as a team that has never won a match it is not good to get cocky ...but we are better this year and if we have a sniff of an easy run chase then our batsman will have to call for the beer helmet
Stood down by the skip for fifth column activities [see later post the indian game for tales of the from our man in Goa] the former tourist of the year sallied forth to the Cambridge Joke emporium and has purchased the following:
- Doddy beer helmet [as described above - Doddy having 4 cases of kit] a double barrelled beer carrying vessel to be placed upon the head when facing derisory Aussie pie chuckers
- the insult machine that is to be used for over cocky batsman and dodgy umpires
- the blue mouth sweets...there is a fear that our Devon destroyer is simply too nice - he is to be forced to eat a sweet that turns your mouth blue to strike fear [and woe] into our bewildered opponents
TEAM SONGS:
We are seeking to replace Johnny Cash's ring of Fire [see our various gastric incidents in India]
with team songs: early nominations are...
Bobby Forrest: will be singing "Always" by Bon Jovi
Dave Super Harmy Rhodes [a man normally defined by his gentle conciliatory tones] will be singing "Lets Get Ready to Rumble"
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