Picture the scene dear reader...
The South Central Railway Ground in Secunderabad is a flat pitch overlooked by a hill: on that hill are a collection of very basic houses, a large number of rabid dogs, a large open air public toilet and [10 yards higher up the hill than the latrine] the Calvary Baptist Church; the other side of the pitch is the main railway line
Our visiting MCC correspondent used two expressions to describe the area around the ground: first he called it "rural"; he later revised his description to "derelict"
Today we needed a miracle and sadly the Good Lord did not provide...
But he did provide the following:
1. Some hazards at long on / long off: Deni Matthews and Guy Opperman struggled at "Cowpat Corner" with the cow and dog poo on the pitch - Deni said it reminded him of cricket in Shropshire till we found the skull of dead sheep and a large amount of small bones
We thought it was a goat till our sole Welsh representative Jamie Williams said " thats definitely a sheep - makes me feel quite homesick"
2. Sledging by your own side: it is fair to say that our strike bowler Deni Matthews had a mixed day - a good opening spell was followed by just one of those overs where the bowler does not seem to know where the batsman's is standing [in truth - several memebers of of travelling band of bits and pieces men / doughty warriors have also suffered this same ordeal]; amidst this tough ordeal which the big man bore well - our skip for the day Sam B yelled out "Deni - how's your hamstring?" The shorpshire star was too emotional to reply but duly provided a helpful long hop to keep the boys amused and boost our frequent running miles in the field
3. Bob Percy Hall took the catch of the day - it has to be the catch of the day because we only took 2 wickets and the other was LBW [a mercy killing from a dodgy umpire who seemed to spend most of the match on his mobile]
Fielding at short mid wicket our living deity dived like a leaping salmon to his right, caught the ball off James Cartwright's bowling, rolled over twice for maximum effect and then did the clenched hands together salute in euphoria.
Quote of the moment after this gratutitous grandstanding was Guy Holland who said:
"I thought he had had a heart attack - I only ran over to give CPR!"
4. Consistency: once again we hit our regular target of 53 wides a game - with our usual disdain for line and length!
5. Health report: the downward spiral gathers momentum - sadly Q succumbed shortly before tucking into his deep fried ravioli last night; Jamie very sweetly described his ever lengthening session in the bog as "He's just having some Q time!" This Q time lasted longer than any of the teams innings so far - but Q is recovering and has got off lightly - 3 of the team have lost a stone each during their illnesses.
Breakfast is like a roll-call scene in a world war one flying movie - imagine Dawn Patrol with some red faced Errol Flynn types clutching their buttocks - and saying "I am not sure about the quick singles today lads - you may have to fight this battle without me".
Today Dave "Super Harmy" Rhodes manfully - if a little gingerly - bowled two overs before nearly throwing up on a rabid dog who was attemping a pitch invasion and then breaking land speed records to run from deep mid wicket to the ecstasy of the toilet and the joy that is gastric release ....
WEST INDIES:
309 for 2
ENGLAND:
1. Gullick 64 [a good knock that deserved better support]
2. Williams 28
3. Dodd 1
4. Holland 1
5. Opperman 25
6. Cameron 2
7. Butterfield 1
8. Matthews 4
9. Percival 1
10. Cartwright 6 NO
11 Macdougall 6 NO
Total 174
Would love to say the LBW s were not plumb or correct but that would be harsh on the telephone umpires
FOR THOSE IN ANY DOUBT WE GOT THRASHED!!
We play the Pakistan in 2 days - we are not the bookmakers choice! We are very hospitable opponents
The ladies - as ever - remain perfectly composed and are shopping well
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